There is no doubt being born feathery means being born with an extra dose of good fortune.
Sheer “cuteness” alone brings all kinds of perks.
But all the attention, the glamour, the fans, the pure poshness, can also attract moochers.
For this reason, even the most generous of avian gourmands should complete a training course called “Food Bowl Basics.”
The course is short, taught by a (very) cute celebrity instructor, and covers all the fundamentals of how to ensure you will dine undisturbed.
When your meal is served, the first thing to do is scan for lurking moochers.
If you spot a suspicious moocher type (i.e. any being without feathers, any being with feathers, any being at all) immediately plunge your head down into your food bowl.
Continue crunching as noisily as possible (if you can occasionally fling small projectiles this can also help to repel the moocher).
Body position is also critical. If you can position as much of your torso (think “nares to vent” here) as possible over your food bowl, the moocher will begin to doubt whether the dish is (um) hygienic enough to pursue further.
This last step is especially important. Even after you have concluded your meal, firmly hold your position on top of your food bowl. Pose for fans. Poop. Preen. Look very cute. Do anything you can to let the moocher know that coming back tomorrow will only deliver more of the same.
Class dismissed. Happy dining all!
Author: Shannon Cutts
Co-Author: Pearl Cutts